A divorce or breakup of a relationship is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.
A breakup or divorce launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is broken: the routine and responsibilities, our home, our relationships with family and friends, our social status, and even our identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will we find someone else? Will we end up alone? The unknown often seem worse than an unhappy relationship. In essence , divorce means the loss of our hopes and dreams for ourselves, for our family and our children.
Divorce grief can also be complicated, often because there may be other emotions at play, such as anger. Friends may not know what to say, may take sides, or get angry with you or your ex spouse. We may not even know that we are grieving, because of the anger or fear that we are feeling. Our immediate family members may grieve in different ways.
Like with grief from other losses, give yourself permission to grieve. Take the time you need, and give yourself time slots for “letting go” so that you can cry and sob as needed.
Unlike grief from the death of a loved one, you are likely to see your ex-spouse, especially if you have children. That can be tough if you are still grieving the loss of your marriage. However, for the sake of your children and your own legacy you will want to be strong and work through the process of grief.
There are divorce “recovery” groups in many communities. Sometimes it is helpful to be with other people who are going through what you are, and with the help of a skills facilitator, you can work through the process.